


Ride of a Lifetime

by Empty_Imagination



Series: 'Ride of a Lifetime' Series [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Boy x boy, Dark Past, Eren Loves Levi, Eren and Annie are related, Fear of Flying, Female Hange Zoë, Fluff, Gay Male Character, Hate to Love, Humor, Levi Loves Eren, Levi/Eren Yeager Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Mikasa Ackerman & Levi Are Siblings, Minor Armin Arlert/Eren Yeager, Minor OOC Levi, Past Abuse, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Jean Kirstein/Eren Yeager, Past Relationship(s), Past Sexual Abuse, Past Violence, Possible smut, Punk Jean Kirstein, Toxic Jean Kirstein, Waiter Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), ereri, hange x erwin, jeanmarco, mikannie - Freeform, multichap, riren - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-11
Updated: 2016-07-25
Packaged: 2018-07-14 12:14:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 12,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7170635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Empty_Imagination/pseuds/Empty_Imagination
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On his way back from France, Levi gets put next to someone who's deathly afraid to fly.</p>
<p>This is going to be a long ride.</p>
<p>~Completed~</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Hello lovelies! This is my first multi chap fic, so I apologize for any grammatical errors, slip ups, or plot errors.
> 
> I'm really hoping this goes well.
> 
> Thank you for reading! :*

"I'll be home by nine."

Levi shut off his phone, emitting a  _click_ sound from the device. Sighing heavy, he took the cigarette that hung loosely in between his lips and blew out a puff of smoke.

He sat alone in the section of the airport specifically for smokers, which was nearly isolated from the rest of the building.

It was quiet, but not too. He could hear the faint chatter of the personages that talked on the phone for hours on end, the pitter patter of rain drops on the oversized windows that admitted airplanes taking off or landing, and sometimes he could even hear the coffee from a nearby Starbucks being brewed.

"Attention, Vol 32B est maintenant ouvert pour l'embarquement."

_"Attention, Flight 32B is now open for boarding."_

 

Levi slouched back in his chair, running his fingers through his soft black bangs. Looking down at his ticket, he used a nearby ash tray to put out his cigarette. He skimmed over the blue and white printing, which was written in both english and french. He was on Flight 34C; one that wasn't scheduled to depart for another hour.

Bringing his knees to his chest, he turned sideways, rested his head on the chair, and closed his eyes.

* * *

 

"Attention, Vol 34C est maintenant ouvert pour l'embarquement."

Levi's eyes snapped open, bringing his attention from his sleep to wondering what the hell he was doing in an airport.

Once he came to his senses, Levi stood up out of his seat and grabbed his luggage, yawning in the process. He looked down and stared at his reflection in the tile floor as he walked. 

"Bonjour," the petite french woman greeted Levi when he reached his gate. He handed over his ticket and she scanned it, tapped a few buttons on a computer screen, and handed it back.

"Appréciez votre vol."

_"Enjoy your flight."_

Levi was never good with social situations. It wasn't that he didn't know how to speak or interact; matter of factly he spoke four different languages. He just  _really_ hated people. Despite his job as a waiter, social interactions were his enemy. He mainly stuck to opening doors and cleaning the tables. He really only took the job because he needed money, and he secretly loved that he got to clean. If there was one thing Levi liked, it was cleaning.

Levi couldn't have been more disappointed when he saw where he was sitting.

He was seated in the aisle seat next to a broad young boy that looked to be around 18. He was dressed casually, and his brown hair fell just above his eyes, which were almost  _too_ green.

He looked up and gave Levi a pathetic and obviously forced smile before scooting over in his seat a bit to let Levi in.

Levi groaned, rolled his eyes, and fell into his seat.

_Please, for the love of God, don't let him start talking._

"Uh.. Hi," The boy shifted uncomfortably in his seat to get a better look at Levi. Levi raised his hand and somehow managed to sarcastically wave his hand in the boy's direction. 

"I'm Eren."

Can't this clueless kid take a hint? It was as clear as day that Levi didn't want to talk to him.

When Eren opened his mouth to continue, Levi snapped his head sideways.

"Look, kid," He started with a monotone voice. "I don't wanna talk to you, alright? It isn't you, you're nice and all, I just really hate people. So why don't you shut the hell up and read a magazine, cause we'll be here awhile."

Eren's content face disappeared and he looked down, fiddling with his thumbs in his lap. With a hurt look on his face, he looked out the window, trying to hide his disappointment.

Should Levi feel bad? Yes. But did he? No. He hasn't had a single regret in years. He wasn't one to feel for someone.

"Les passagers de l'attention, il est actuellement 15h36. Nous arriverons à San Fransisco à 20h42."

_"Attention passengers, it is currently 3:36 PM. We will be arriving in San Fransisco at 8:42 PM."_

Eren sighed, a sudden worried look etched across his face. Levi scoffed and threw his head back onto his seat, closing his eyes.

Sooner than Levi expected, the plane began moving forward. Eren breathed rather loudly, causing the hair on Levi's neck to stand up.

"What's your problem, kid? You afraid to fly or something?" Levi laughed at the thought.

"Terrified, actually," Eren answered. Levi could practically see the sweat forming on his brow already. He suggested Eren sleep, and after getting no response, decided the boy wasn't worth his time and found himself dozing off.

* * *

Levi was woken up by a strangely huge wave of turbulence.

Poor Eren had practically bitten his fingernails to the nub, and was now gripping the arm rest so tight his knuckles were white. His face had already gone green, and it had only been two hours.

"Jesus Christ, kid. Calm down a little."

Eren whimpered when the plane shook again, looking straight at the seat in front him as if his life depended on it.

A passing stewardess saved Eren from being clobbered by Levi at just the right time. She asked the boys if they wanted anything to drink, eyeing Eren especially carefully.

"C-coffee, please," Eren whispered. The woman leaned over to ask what he said, as the boy's fright had effected his voice as well.

"He said coffee," Levi answered monotonously, internally wishing to be anywhere but here.

"Voulez-vous un sac de dépôt?" She asked Eren.

_"Would you like a deposit bag?"_

Eren eyed her questioningly.

"She asked if you want a puke sack," Levi said.

Eren shook his head vigorously and accepted his coffee, wrapping his hands around the warm cup as if for safety.

"How the hell did you make it here if you can't speak French?" Levi asked Eren, eyeing him carefully, worried he would spew at any second. He got no response.

Trying to keep his eyes off the little shit, Levi pulled out his phone and began messing around with some apps.

As if the situation couldn't get any worse, as if God  _wanted_ to punish him, another blast of turbulence hit and, by some godforsaken miracle, the coffee flew out of Eren's hands and right onto Levi's lap.

Searing pain ran up his legs and through his nerves and he clutched his phone tight, his jaw clenched.

"Shoot! Oh my God, I'm so-"

"Get a napkin, dammit!" Levi knew people were staring and probably cursing him for using foul language in a place where there could very well be dozens of kids, but he was too busy trying to keep coffee from burning his dick off to care.

Eren scrambled for the napkin he'd received with his coffee and reached over to wipe off Levi's lap, but the touch only made it worse. Levi yelped in pain, causing the same stewardess to rush over with more napkins and a bag of ice. 

Once the burning had reduced to a minimum, Levi sat shamelessly with a bag of ice over his pants and a deadly glare on his face.

"Again, I'm so,  _so_ sorry."

"That's the seventh time you've apologized, you brat. No matter how many times you say that shit, it isn't going to fix the second degree burn and the stain that makes it look like I shit myself from the front, so I suggest you save your breath."

The plane ride wasn't even half over, and Levi already had a bag of ice over his dick.

This was going to be the ride of a lifetime.

 


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi finally gets off the plane, which he couldn't be happier about. Eren's finally gone and out of his life.
> 
> Right?

Levi murmured curses to himself as he finally reached the San Fransisco airport, which was near Daly City, which was where his blessed home awaited.

Whilst he reached above his head and stretched, he imagined what it would feel like to finally see his home again. He'd have the whole day to vent to his sister, Mikasa, about some dumb little shit that nearly burnt his manhood off on a plane, and afterwards, he could eat food that wasn't drenched in garlic and didn't come with a side of baguettes, and then lie down in his soft, warm bed and sleep the whole thing off.

Or so he thought.

"Excuse me! Sir?"

Levi rolled his eyes. He'd recognize that wretched voice anywhere.

"Hey," Eren said as he ran to Levi, nearly panting. "I, uh.. Wanted to.. Tell.." The boy was so out of breath from trying to catch up to Levi that he couldn't speak.

"Jesus kid, do I need to call an ambulance?" Levi crossed his arms and bent over to make sure the brunette wasn't dying.

"No, no I'm fine. Alright, I.. Okay, here's the thing. While we were on the plane, I was trying to distract myself, and I noticed you had a slip of paper in your hand, so I looked."

Eren was obviously nervous, worried Levi would pummel him any second.

"I saw your taxi number. You know, the one you're riding home in?"

"Get on with it, kid," Levi looked down at his watch, giving off the impression he was in a hurry.

"I'm in the same taxi."

* * *

Levi suddenly lost it and began screaming profanities one after another, praying no one in the airport spoke any of the three non-native languages he was abusing.

"S-sir, calm down!" Eren began nervously looking around, hoping no one would turn their heads. But of course, nearly the entire lobby glanced in their direction, some looking in horror and others in pure disgust.

Once Levi was finally finished venting, he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand as if it would wipe away his filthy dialogue from the moment earlier.

"What are you staring at?!" He snapped at a small indian woman who stared at him looking horrified. She jumped when he spoke and took off running as fast as her little legs could carry her.

"Sir, please calm down."

"Did I say you could order me around?!" The angry man spat, suddenly whipping his head in Eren's direction and poking his pointer finger at the boy's chest just hard enough for it to hurt.

"S-sorry," Eren apologized, trying to look anywhere but at Levi. Levi grunted and turned, walking towards the direction of the exit.

As if the  _plane_ wasn't bad enough, now he had to sit next to the same boy in a tighterarea with smaller seats and nothing to vomit into. What's next, the shit's afraid to drive?

"Let me ask you this," Levi spoke suddenly to Eren, which made him jump. "You got a fear of cars?"

"No sir."

"Good," Levi grabbed Eren by the collar and dragged him off to the taxi.

* * *

Levi sat as far away from Eren as he could. His face was smushed to the window and his butt was in the crack between the seat and the door, but it was better than sitting anywhere near that  _thing_ that called itself Eren.

The taxi driver gave him a strange look through the mirror before driving, as if to say 'you scoot over anymore you'll fall out of the car.' Levi simply stuck out his tongue to the man, crossed his arms, and looked out the window with a scowl on his face.

After a long, silent while, Eren worked up the courage to speak.

"Did it really hurt  _that_ bad?" He asked. The driver raised an eyebrow questioningly, but quickly looked back at the road again.

"Yes it did, brat. That's a sensitive area, you idiot."

"Well, if I would've known  _that_ would happen, I wouldn't have bought the thing in the first place."

The driver eyed Levi in the mirror and frowned, clearly taking the situation out of context.

"Reword your entire thought process, br-"

"I mean, of all the places, it had to hit  _that spot_ -" Eren continued talking over Levi, more to himself than anyone in the car.

"Oh my God," Levi mumbled embarrassingly. He knew what the taxi driver was thinking, and he didn't like it.

"I really didn't mean to get you wet!"

"JESUS FUCK!" Levi yelled suddenly as he threw his hands up in the air, kicking the seat in front of him.

Eren jumped ten feet out of his seat, realizing he'd messed up again. He pouted, crossed his legs and stared out the window, an ashamed feeling in the pit of his stomach.

The rest of the ride home was silent.


	3. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi can't escape Eren no matter where he goes. There's either a reason for this, or God just really has it out for him.

"I'm telling you, Mika! The kid is  _literally_ Satan in disguise!" Levi paced back and forth across his living room, screaming so loud he was almost definite the neighbors could hear.

Mikasa, his older sister of three years, sat patiently on the brown leather couch next to him with her legs crossed, watching her brother slowly lose the little bit of sanity he had left.

"I mean,  _my God,_ he talks forever! And now I have this big ass stain on my groin that looks like I shit from the front!"

"Levi, you're yelling again," Mikasa said calmly, having been through situations like this before.

"I just.. Ugh, I'm sorry, Mika," He took a deep breath and fell next to Mikasa with his back to the couch. "You just have  _no idea_ the shit I went through."

"It's over now though, right?"

Levi nodded and then got to his feet, walking off to the bathroom.

"Alright, I'm gonna go shower. I can still  _feel_ his germs crawling on me," He wiggled his fingers to visualize his sentence, earning a laugh from his older sister.

* * *

As soon as Levi stepped into the shower, he instantly felt better.

The hot water ran through his hair, trailing down his face and over his back. It gave his shoulders a much needed massage, hitting all the right spots to make him shiver. He ran his fingers through his hair and combed out the tangles caused from such a stressful day.

If there was one thing Levi knew, it was that he was _never_ going to France again.

* * *

_BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BE-_

Levi slammed his hand down hard on the top of his alarm clock. He flopped onto his side, quite literally  _rolling_ out of bed. The familiar feeling of the carpet in between his toes was something he hadn't felt for a long time, and it felt good. His feet were still tired from the long trip he'd recently returned from.

Downstairs, Mikasa already had breakfast on the table, and the smell of bacon popping filled Levi's nose with ecstasy.

"Morning," Mikasa greeted. "Meds are on the table."

Levi stumbled to the dining room table and downed his ADHD medication along with his antidepressants. His face scrunched in disgust and he gagged.

"God, I hate those things."

While taking a plate from Mikasa's hand, he noticed his sister was eyeing him strangely.

"What?" He asked.

"What's wrong with your back? You look like an old man," she answered whilst dipping a spoon into a bowl of pancake batter.

"I told you, that devil of a kid really messed me up," he groaned when he struggled to sit down.

Mikasa sat down across from her brother and picked up her fork. She cut into her stack of pancakes and the warm syrup poured down the sides as the scent of flour and butter filled the room.

"What did you say his name was?" she asked.

Levi stared as she stuck a fluffy triangle with her fork, swirled it around in the sweet syrup, and bit down. Her chewing slowed and she swallowed. 

"Oi, Levi. What's the matter with you?"

"Sorry.." he shook his head. "What?"

"What was the kid's name?"

"E-Eren," he said warily, looking distressed. "His name was Eren."

* * *

 Later, after the strange conversation with Mikasa at the table, Levi had gone to work.

He worked at a small shop on the corner called  _Shiganshina_. Downstairs was the restaurant, which was where Levi worked. If you went upstairs, you'd find a small boutique filled with sunglasses and frilly dresses. Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays were the days Levi cleaned, and Tuesdays and Thursdays were the ones he hated; the ones that he had to wait tables.

Today was Thursday.

Levi cringed when the bell rang behind him, indicating someone had come in and was now waiting for him to wait on them.

He put on the best fake smile he could, clutched his pad and pen, and turned around.

"Hi, and welcome to-"

"Oh no."

Levi couldn't believe it.

"Eren?!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Levi shower scenes are what I live for
> 
> But next time it won't be the water massaging him ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


	4. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the incident at the airport, Eren appears yet again, but this time, there's no getting rid of him. There's got to be a reason this kid won't disappear. This isn't just a coincidence anymore.

"Follow.. Me.." Levi said through clenched teeth, looking as if he would murder the next person to walk in.

He led Eren through the restaurant and seated him at a small booth meant for two. Handing over the menu in his hand was the hardest thing he'd ever had to do, as he'd been using it to take his anger out on moments before. He practically _threw_ it onto the table, startling Eren and making him jump.

"What can I get you to drink?" Levi said monotonously, lazily pulling out a pen and paper. 

"S-strawberry Martini," Eren stuttered.

Levi laughed.

"Sorry, kid, you're underaged. Hasn't anyone taught you the proper-"

"I'm twenty three," Eren stated flatly.

Levi's eyes nearly popped out of his head. This boy--this  _thing_ \--was only two years younger than him?! He had to be lying. He looked twelve!

"No fucking way. Show me some ID."

Sure enough, Eren had a driver's license, and,  _sure enough,_ he was twenty three.

"I don't believe it," Levi said, stubbornly crossing his arms. Eren shrugged and chuckled a bit.

"Why, thank you. I've been working on my complexion," Eren said sarcastically. He rested his elbows on the table and bat his eyelashes purely just to annoy Levi.

"Sh-shut up!" Levi stomped off to the kitchen and looked around him to see if he was alone. Once the empty kitchen confirmed that he was, he kicked the stove in front of him and screamed.

Loud.

* * *

The front door slammed behind Levi so loud he nearly scared himself. He didn't bother to set his belongings down or take off his coat; he just fell flat on the floor with a  _thud._

"Jesus Christ, Levi," Mikasa blurted. She made her way down the stairs, but she wasn't alone. A short blonde girl stood by her side, staring ahead of her with a glare that could burn right through your soul.

"Okay, I get you have issues, but this is an all time low," Mikasa said, nudging his under side with the tip of her boot. Levi groaned and rolled over to face the ceiling. He noticed the girl standing next to Mikasa.

"Who's your friend?" He asked glumly.

" _This_ is Levi?" The blonde girl spat. "Hell, you're definitely the prettier one."

"Hey!" Levi yelped. "Who do you think you are?!"

"This is Annie," Mikasa stepped in. "She's my girlfriend."

Levi choked on nothing but his surprised state and immediately sat up.

"You--You're dating  _this?_ " He said, still in denial.

"Watch it, you!"

"Guys, break it up!" Levi's sister commanded, once again placing her foot on Levi to calm him down. "Yes, this is my girlfriend. She's actually a lot like you, Levi. She's tough, terrible with people, and rude."

Annie looked offended.

"But she's also a huge softie, and she's mine," She wrapped her arm around Annie and kissed her on the forehead.

"Blegh," Levi gagged. "I can't take this sap."

He used his hands for support and sat up, walking to his room.

* * *

After Levi's hour long nap, he was woken by shuffling feet outside his room and decided to see what it was. Annie and Mikasa were downstairs talking.

"I'll see you tomorrow," Annie stood on her toes to kiss Mikasa's cheek.

"You sure you can't stay longer?" Mikasa asked.

"Yeah," Annie nodded. "My brother's here to pick me up."

Levi walked down the stairs, scratching his head and yawning.

"What's going on?" He asked.

"Annie's leaving," Mikasa answered.

"Don't worry, Levi. I'll be back tomorrow," the small blonde teased. Levi stuck out his tongue and folded his arms.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door.

"That's him," Annie said, giving Mikasa one last kiss on the cheek.

Mikasa reached behind Annie and opened the door. Levi turned around with a wave directed towards Annie and walked off to get food.

"Hi," A voice beamed. "I'm Eren, Annie's brother. It's nice to meet you, Mikasa."

* * *

 The last thing Levi remembers is passing out on the living room floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a bit of writer's block writing this, so there's quite a few mistakes and errors. I'm sorry. ;-;


	5. Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After receiving a bit of devastating news, Levi's whole perspective changes. But he isn't sure he wants it to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyheyhey a bit of a trigger warning on this chapter
> 
> Wanna keep you safe lovelies :*

Although Levi's vision was hazy when he came to, he remembered  _exactly_ why it was, and why he was on the floor.

How could he forget?

Mikasa looked down at him from his right side, Annie from his left. A hand waved in front of his face, and he could hear someone yelling his name.

"Levi! Levi, wake up," Mikasa yelled from above.

"Alright, alright! I'm up," he sat up slowly, rubbing his forehead.

* * *

 

Something changed in Levi when Eren came into view. It was almost as if a gear switched inside his brain, and he couldn't control his anger anymore.

A growl escaped his throat, along with all his rage that he'd kept balled up inside for so long. He could feel his face turning red, and the fear on Eren's face only gave him more power. He lunged forward towards the boy, but the girls grabbed him by the arms on either side. He violently thrashed to get away from them.

_What's happening to me?_

It felt like some sort of entity had trapped Levi inside, was on a rampage, and wasn't letting him out.

_Stop!_

All he could do was lunge and kick.

_What are you doing? Stop, you idiot!_

It wanted to hurt Eren.

No.

_He_ wanted to hurt Eren.

* * *

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" Mikasa screamed. She was using all of her might to hold her brother back.

Levi was still growling and kicking violently. Eren was practically frozen, and so was the horrified expression plastered across his face.

"Mikasa, quick! We have to calm him down before-"

Levi began screaming at the girls to let him go and spitting profanities at them while doing so.

"Before what?!" Mikasa yelled to Annie over Levi's growling.

Suddenly, Eren screamed.

It was loud. Almost louder than Levi. Everyone jumped, and even Levi let up a little.

Visible tears fell down Eren's face and he fell to the floor on his knees. His eyes were wide open, nearly popping out of his head, and he made little whimpering noises while he stared straight ahead with an expression that almost looked like disbelief.

Running to his side, Annie took his hand and wrapped an arm around him. She started to comfort him and caress his shoulder, whispering into his ear.

"Eren, look, we're right here," she said. Eren looked at Mikasa, then at Levi. "See? It's me, Annie. I'm here; you're safe." 

The boy snapped out of his strange state and buried his face into Annie's neck, sobbing loudly.

Mikasa was all the while confused, and by now her grip had let up on Levi, who was left just as bewildered. He'd finally calmed down, which left him staring at his hands in disbelief.

_What's wrong with me?_ He thought.  _I didn't do that.. Did I?_

"Let's get you some water, okay?" Annie helped her brother up and walked to the kitchen, giving Levi a nasty glare on her way.

* * *

"Way to go, guys. You triggered him," Annie said. The three were out of Eren's sight and now Levi and Mikasa demanded an explanation.

"What's wrong with him?" Mikasa asked. Levi still wasn't talking.

"Well, he hasn't had the best experience with relationships. See, there was this.. Guy. Name was Jean. A real dickhead, too," Annie said.

Mikasa brought her hand to her face in shock. She'd never been so disappointed in Levi.

"He beat him up real bad. Sent him to the hospital a bunch of times. Almost killed him once."

The entire room was silent for what felt like an eternity, but what was really shocking was what was happening on Levi's side of the story.

This was the first time he'd ever felt for someone before. He felt bad for treating Eren so badly. All the poor kid ever did was  _accidentally_ spill coffee on him. And even if he _was_ annoying as hell, he didn't deserve all of what Levi was giving to him.

But why did Levi feel so bad? He'd never felt like this before, but he'd done much worse before with no regrets.

Levi Ackerman, this apathetic and stoic ass of a human being, felt terrible for hurting Eren.

Maybe it had to do with the fact that he couldn't control what he did back there.

Or maybe this kid was doing more to him than he thought.

* * *

"So, I just.. Wanted to say that I'm--I'm sorry."

Levi now stood in front of Eren since the girls had convinced him to apologize in person and not with a note. Eren's tears had mostly faded, and now his face was red and puffy. This was the first time Levi had ever gotten this close to him.

"I-it's okay," Eren muttered.

"No, it isn't," Levi sighed and stepped closer. "Look, that was stupid; what I did back there. I don't know why I did it, honestly. And I'm not just sorry for causing that little outburst, I'm sorry for being such a dick before, too."

Mikasa watched, secretly smiling a bit. She was proud Levi had gotten this far.

Annie stood by Eren's side, ready to pounce if Levi tried anything.

Strangely, instead of forgiving Levi, Eren stared right at him, mouth slightly agape.

"You okay, kid? You look constipated. Close your mouth or you'll catch fl-"

Eren cut Levi off by throwing his arms around the older man's neck.

"Thank you, Levi."

He couldn't stop the tears from falling, and decided it was best to release them onto Levi.

"Y-you're welcome, kid," Levi didn't hug Eren back, but he didn't push him away.

"You're welcome."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's a certain sentence in here and can i just say "thats what she said" because damn it came out wrong


	6. Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi discovers he's developed a new disorder, which only adds to the overwhelming stress he feels everyday. Can anyone pull him out of his slump, or has the situation gone too far this time?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried not to get gory, so this is really only a trigger warning for suicidal thoughts. Sorry lovelies, the fluff will come soon :*

"What the hell is that?"

The doctor's office was filled with cheesy motivational posters and small cardstock sheets of paper with short messages for patients on them. Needles hung along the walls, along with Q-Tips, band aids, and tissues, and the blue cot Levi sat on was cold and rough. It was covered by a long sheet of thin wax paper, which smelled like sanitizer.

He hated it.

"You have BPD," his white haired doctor told him. "Borderline Personality Disorder. It's why you can't control your actions. Often, patients become aggressive or," he used fingers to show air quotes. " _overreact,_ as some people say."

Levi clutched the shiny wax paper in his fist. Mikasa sat next to him, listening to the doctor's every word.

"So, what, I get to take a million and  _one_ pills now?" Levi huffed.

"Three, actually," the doctor chuckled a bit.

That meant Levi had to take eight pills a day now, not counting the ones he already took for his growth, which didn't do anything to say the least. The only ones that worked were the ones for his ADHD, and even those barely helped. If there was one thing he knew for sure about those meds, it was that the antidepressants didn't do shit.

* * *

Once the Ackermans had reached home, Levi went straight to his bathroom.

He opened the white wooden drawer that he used to stash his razors in. How long had it been since he'd opened it? He couldn't remember. Rolling up his sleeve, he saw that the scars had almost faded. Was it worth it?

Yes.

Levi's entire life was falling apart. It wasn't getting any better; only worse. He was a waste of a human shell. What was the point if he was just gonna die from one of his fucked up illnesses soon anyway? He might as well just get the whole 'dying' thing over with now.

No.

Not today.

Today he would just take some of the pain away.

Not today, but soon.

Soon he'd be gone.

And no one would care.

* * *

A sleepy Levi slumped downstairs after a painful night of sleep deprivation, only to see that Annie had apparently spent the night.

"Boy, this week just keeps getting better," he mumbled.

When he reached the table, he saw Eren from across the kitchen. He was making something; breakfast.

"Why the hell are you here?" He spat. Eren shrugged.

"Just getting used to your family," he said.

All Levi did was groan, too tired to complain.

"Well would you look at that," Mikasa giggled. "He isn't pouncing on you, Eren. Didn't sleep, eh?"

Levi nodded and walked over to where Eren was with half lidded eyes. He reached for his three bottles of pills. On Eren's face was a shocked expression.

"What? As fucked up as I am, you thought I  _didn't_ have a single thing wrong with me?" Levi said more sarcastically than rudely.

He put all the pills in his hand and tilted his head back.

* * *

Eren watched in astonishment as Levi downed all the meds at once without any fluids to help them go down.

As Levi brought his hand up to his mouth and snapped his head back, his sleeve fell.

He wasn't sure, but Eren could have sworn he saw a cut over Levi's wrist. He decided not to say anything and went back to cracking eggs.

Just as he was about to bang one on the edge of the counter, Levi dropped a small bottle filled with ironically large pills.

"Shit!" He exclaimed.

"Here, let me help," Eren offered, bending down to pick up the pills. As he reached for one that was particularly out of reach, his hand grazed Levi's wrist. Levi hissed at the sensation and snapped his hand back.

"Watch it, you shitty brat!" Levi yelled at Eren and rubbed his wrist.

"S-sorry," Eren whispered.

He turned back to the bowl of now curdled milk and raw eggs.

He couldn't believe it.

Levi was cutting himself.

And he couldn't help but feel like it was all his fault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on tumblr: @500-days-of-depressed-unicorns


	7. Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi's starting to feel something for Eren, and for the first time, it isn't hatred.

"You don't get it, Annie," Eren sighed. "Levi cuts himself, and it's all my fault."

Annie sat down next to Eren on his forest green bed sheets, which lay on top of his queen sized bed.

"No, Eren. You can't blame yourself. Think about it; he's Levi for God's sake," Annie told him. "It's just his way of dealing with the pain."

Eren stood up, pacing quickly around his room.

It happened often that Eren overthought a situation. He was high strung; always on his toes. The longer he was given to think something over, the worse the situation became for him. Strange, nearly impossible thoughts would often flood into his head, creating a situation far from reality.

"What if.. What if it was the coffee?"

Annie rolled her eyes.

"Eren, if you keep thinking like this, these excuses you're coming up with will start to get-"

"What if he's insecure about his penis?" Eren gasped. "He'll never have sex again, and it's all my fault!"

"Ridiculous," Annie finished her sentence.

Eren fell back onto his bed, staring at his ceiling, focusing on the small raised patterns. He followed the way the bumps swirled around the surface, some areas spotted and others split off into other directions to meet up with another bump. It was something that he'd done since he was a child, and it seemed to be one of the only things that would relax him.

"Why do you even care so much, anyway?" Annie asked. "He's an asshole."

"Well, yeah, he  _is_ kind of a douche, but he wasn't born like that. It's not his fault; something made him that way. And I'm gonna find out what." Eren determinedly sprang off his bed and ran to his dresser to grab his shoes.

"Eren, no. You'll make this worse," Annie warned Eren. She'd been through nearly every tough situation with her brother by her side; enough to know how these things turned out. She was the tough one that knew what to do and when to stop, and Eren was the one that got them into said situations. He did however have enough energy and determination for the both of them. Together, they were nearly unstoppable.

"Think about it, An," Eren said whilst trying to slip his left shoe on. "First I'm on the plane with him. Then I ride home with him. Two days later, I see the guy again at Shiganshina, and now you're dating his sister. Sorry to rain on your parade, but this isn't a coincidence anymore."

Eren took a minute to fix his hair and put on some deodorant and then grabbed his phone and sped to the door.

"Eren, wait."

Annie was quick to follow, pushing her hand on the door to keep Eren from opening it.

"You can't stop me this ti-"

"Just don't go getting yourself beat up," Annie muttered. Eren smiled, realizing he had won. After saying goodbye, he opened the door and drove to Levi's.

* * *

 

"Why do you do it?"

That was the first thing Eren said when he met with Levi, who's facial expression was nothing less than deadly.

His bed hair was sticking out in all directions, and his clothes were twisted up and clung to his body like static. His eyelids hung heavy over his steel grey eyes, creating a deadly scowl that was accompanied by furrowed eyebrows.

" _What?_ " His voice was dark, low, and vague.

"Your wrists," Eren was panting. "Is it because of me?"

Levi rolled his eyes.

"Oh my  _god,_ kid. Go home, will you? It's fucking two in the morning, and you're asking me just about the stupidest question I've ever heard."

"Look, Levi," Eren looked deeply and seriously at Levi. "I know you hate me. I know you wish you'd never met me, and I know you probably want me dead-"

"H-hey, I never said-"

"But _I_  don't hate  _you._ You have every reason to hate me, Levi. I'm fucking annoying as shit. But you haven't done anything for me except for accepting me for who I am, so I want to..."

Eren continued rambling, but Levi wasn't listening. All he could think about was the boy's previous sentence.

Did Eren think Levi wanted him  _dead?_ He wouldn't wish that on anyone, not even Eren. What had Levi done to make Eren think he was wanted six feet under? Was he really  _that_ rude? 

"Oi, Motor Mouth. Shut it for two seconds," Levi commanded, holding up his hand. "What do you mean by  _accepting you for who you are?_ " Levi spat out the words as if they were some sort of ridiculous rubbish he'd never heard before.

Eren looked down at his feet, silently wishing for Levi to stop leaning against the door frame and just let him in already.

"W-well, I know that Annie told you about Jean, and that's perfectly fine. But isn't it different? I mean, on top of hating me and everything, finding out that I'm gay? That's gotta be different. Plus, it seems like a guy like you would want me gone after hearing that.."

Eren's sentence trailed off after he realized there was nothing left to say.

"What is  _that_ supposed to mean?" Levi asked, a little in shock.

Reality caught up to Eren and he realized what he'd said.

"Oh, I-I didn't mean it like that, I-"

Levi sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose in between his fingers.

"Come in," he opened the door wider for the helpless boy, who gladly stepped into the house.

Levi knew he'd be telling Eren plenty more about himself tonight, but there was one thing he was keeping to himself.

He wouldn't  _dare_ tell the boy about his conversation he'd had with Mikasa just moments before Eren knocked.

* * *

_"Mikasa?"_

_Levi knocked on his sister's door. She wasn't asleep yet, but she was clearly comfortable lying where she was._

_"Hm?" She rolled over to face him._

_"Get up. I need to talk to you," Levi flicked on the light and Mikasa groaned._

_She swung her legs over the side of the bed, moving over so Levi could sit._

_"It's about Eren," Levi said, looking distraught. "This kid really annoys the hell out of me."_

_"I know he does, Levi. You've told-"_

_"No, Mika. Not like that. He isn't even doing anything, and he still annoys me."_

_Mikasa's face revealed that she was clearly confused and in need of an explanation._

_"It's like.. Every time I think about him, I can't stop. I'll start thinking about his annoying voice, and then the next thing I know I'm_ mesmerized  _by the color of his eyes or some shit. God, it fucking pisses me off, y'know?"_

_Mikasa nodded, placing a hand over Levi's._

_"Levi, I know you don't wanna hear this, but you came to me for help, so I have to tell you. I think you might be-"_

_"No!" Levi suddenly yelled, clenching his in frustration. "It isn't like that.. He isn't.. I can't.."_

_"You can deny it as often as you want, Lev. But I'm starting to think that you're attracted to him in some sort of way, if not romantically," Mikasa rubbed Levi's wrists to comfort him._

_"Whatever," Levi snapped his head and crossed his arms. "You think you're right, but I know you're wrong. I couldn't stand to be alone with the brat for three seconds, let alone touch his face with_ any  _part of me."_

And yet, here Levi was, telling Eren things he wasn't even sure Mikasa knew.

* * *

"So, no, I'm not gay. But I'm not straight, either. I just couldn't give a fuck about who I end up with."

Levi had let Eren into the house, who'd taken his place next to Levi on the couch.

"So.. So you're saying you'd date a guy?" Eren asked quietly.

"All I'm saying is, if I liked the guy and he liked me, then yeah, I'd date him."

Levi sprawled out across the couch, resting his feet on the coffee table in front of him.

Eren, however, sat neatly and politely with his hands on his lap. He wasn't completely comfortable in Levi's house yet.

"I'm not gonna ask why you cut yourself, but I am gonna ask.. Is it my fault?" Eren was nervous for some reason, nearly sweating through his shirt.

"No," Levi laughed as if the question were a joke. "Of course it isn't you. Listen, kid. I've been doing this for a long time. You're overthinking."

"Yeah, I do tend to do that," Eren laughed nervously and even earned a grin from Levi.

The older man stood up and walked towards the door, Eren following suit.

"Now you go home and rest," Levi said. "We can talk more tomorrow if this still bothers you."

"Really?" Eren asked, surprised. "Thanks, Levi," He said while walking to the door.

Levi nodded and held the door for Eren, who stumbled outside.

"Bye, Levi!" He yelled, already halfway to his car.

"So long, kid," Levi whispered to himself in his low, grumbly voice. "See you tomorrow."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally found a chance to have Levi explain his feelings for once! Even if it isn't to Eren, it's a start, right?


	8. Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It can't be true. Eren came this close to death.. Right outside my door?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Agh!! I'm almost to 1K views, and it's only been a week! Thank you SO much! Your feedback is what I live for, and it puts a constant smile on my face every day. :*
> 
> Oh PS! From now on, when the story says Levi 'turns,' it means his BPD is affecting him again.

When Levi woke, he immediately knew something was wrong. The sun wasn't shining through his window, and his eyes still hurt; he hadn't slept long enough. He looked to his clock. 4:53.

Why was he awake so early?

He knew after waking up on his own, he wouldn't be able to fall back asleep, so he threw on some sweats and headed downstairs for coffee.

He stopped when he heard muffled cries coming from the living room.

* * *

Annie was on the couch next to Mikasa, bent over and sobbing onto her chest. She clung to her girlfriend's shirt, which was stained with tears. Mikasa was crying too, but was clearly trying to stay strong for Annie.

"Woah," Levi said, a bit surprised. "Who died?"

Both girls glared daggers at Levi with a look that he thought could only be made by him. He suddenly felt defenseless and took a step back, shocked.

Annie burst into another fit of sobs and Mikasa wrapped her arms around her and held her close, whispering reassurances softly into her ear.

"Will someone please tell me what's going on?" Levi asked, hoping they had forgotten his previous remark, which was clearly inappropriate to say at the time.

"Sit down," Mikasa commanded. Levi obeyed, taking a seat next to her.

Annie pulled her head out of Mikasa's chest, and Mikasa wiped her tears and kissed her forehead. Levi was going to make a remark and call the two 'lovebirds,' but he decided that was a bad idea given the situation.

"It's Eren," Annie whispered, her voice clearly broken.

Levi felt his stomach drop just at the mention of Eren's name.

"He's.. He isn't.." Annie's voice trailed off before she began crying again.

"Fuck, what?" Levi couldn't string any jumble of words together that made enough sense to say.

Neither girl answered Levi, which frustrated him. He needed an answer before his anger got too out of hand.

"Will someone please tell me what the fuck is going on?!" He yelled, feeling his rage pooling inside of him.

"Jesus, Levi! Eren's in the hospital! Dying! Hurt! Car wreck! Is that the answer you wanted, shithead?!" Mikasa's screams were so strenuous her voice shook.

* * *

 

Levi couldn't believe it.

Eren was dead. No, he was dying. But how long would it take?

How long before Eren _was_ dead?

He knew the two girls were staring at him; calling his name, but he was too shocked to respond.

Instead of breaking down like Annie did or comforting the others like Mikasa was doing, Levi ran.

He ran out of the house, down the street, and to the nearest alleyway. 

* * *

Levi wasn't one to cry.

It had been a long time since he felt what it was like to have the painful lump in his throat, wet tears staining his cheeks, and glassy eyes.

But now he knew the feeling all too well.

He felt the tears on the edges of his eyes and he knew he couldn't hold them in. The cold wind brushed against his face as he ran, his bare feet pounding against the sidewalk beneath him.

Finally, he reached the alley. He ran all the way down it until he reached a dead end.

_It can't be true. Eren came this close to death.. Right outside my door? He only lives a few minutes away; it couldn't have been that far from my house._

Levi clenched his hand into a fist.

_Just minutes after we talked.._

He brought his arm back.

_God, I could've stopped it, too!_

His fist hit the cold wall with incredible force, leaving a small crack.

_I'm the one that sent him home. I could have let him stay over._

The next thing he knew, Levi's other fist was against the wall, this time harder than the previous.

_This is what happens when I get close to someone._

He continued throwing punches at the abused wall until his knuckles were bloody.

_It's my fault he's dying._

Tears were clouding his vision. He couldn't see anything but the faint wall in front of him, and all he could think about was Eren and the pain surging through his hand.

_It's all my fault._

His punches became weaker as his consciousness diminished. He could feel the blood dripping down his hands, but he didn't stop. He couldn't.

Hit after hit came until he couldn't see anymore. He collapsed to the ground a sobbing, screaming mess. Despite the massive amount of blood, he brought his hands up to cover his face and sobbed into them, taking in large intakes of breath.

Finally, as if to end his suffering, Levi faded out of consciousness.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was listening to All We Do by Oh Wonder, and it gave me the.. "inspiration" for this chapter. I'm sorry for the angst, but I'll make up for it.
> 
> It'll be cliche, but you'll like it. I-I think. shitnowimrethinkingeverything


	9. Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi can't deny it any longer. No matter how many times he says it isn't true, he knows he's just lying to himself.
> 
> He's in love with Eren.
> 
> But how can he love what he's already lost?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOC Levi here. Also, I realize my plot is rushed. But it isn't like I can fix that now. Things have just been kinda hard and I'm letting it out in my writing, I guess. Thx for reading, lovelies :*

Levi hadn't come out of his room since Mikasa brought him home that night.

The hospital had called Annie and informed her that Eren was in 'grave condition.' What does that mean, you ask? To Levi, it meant as good as dead.

And it tore him to pieces.

Of course this mess had to happen around the time Levi started to warm up to the kid. This is why he never got close to people.

The worst part was, Levi felt something completely different for Eren. It wasn't a love/hate relationship, nor was it a friendship. Levi didn't exactly know what it was. He couldn't describe the burst of nothingness he felt in his chest when Eren entered the room. He wasn't able to explain the small amount of joy, which was something that hardly ever happened, that he got when Mikasa told him Annie was sleeping over, which meant Eren would be over the next morning. 

The amount of questions that ran through Levi's head was too high to count. Why was he like this? Why was Eren different? Why was Levi suddenly changing? And why so suddenly?

Maybe it was the innocence that shown in his eyes when they met with Levi's, or maybe it was his smile that stretched from ear to ear and lit up the room. It could've even been something so simple as his voice, which filled Levi with unexplainable ecstasy when it reached his ears.

But he would never feel that same happiness again.

Well, probably.

* * *

"Hey," Mikasa said quietly as she stood at the entrance of her brother's room with a plate in her hand. "Can I come in?"

Levi groaned, rolling over to face her direction. His eyes stayed closed.

She walked forward and sat on the edge of the bed, placing a hand over Levi's leg which was covered by a blanket.

"I brought you a sandwich," she said.

"Not hungry," Levi answered.

"Look, Lev," She reached over to set the plate down on Levi's nightstand. "I know this is hard for you, and it's hard for me too. But I think... I think this proves my point about you and Eren."

Levi rolled his eyes and turned the other way. He tried to think about something else to help him fall asleep, which would hopefully force Mikasa out, but all he could think about was Eren.

"You can deny it all you want, but look at you. You're a fucking mess. Worse than Annie, in fact. Now what do you call that?"

Levi didn't move, speak, or groan. He stayed completely still.

"Fine. Just think about it," Mikasa stood up and left, taking one last look at her brother before shutting the door behind him.

Maybe she was right.

Maybe it was time for Levi to face the facts.

Maybe Levi  _was_ in love with Eren.

Maybe.

* * *

Mikasa couldn't get Levi off her mind no matter what she did; this was quite literally tearing him apart. As stoic as she was, she couldn't stand to see Levi in pain. She didn't show it, but she loved him. After all, he was all she had.

The loud marimba chime that emitted from her phone snapped her out of her thoughts.

_'Unknown Caller',_ the screen read. She picked up.

* * *

Just a few moments later, Mikasa was rushing to Levi's room, telling him to get dressed.

Today was the day Eren was allowed visitors.


	10. Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes it's hard to be strong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will be sort of an overview of each major character's visit with Eren in the hospital, so don't let that confuse you.

"Poor kid."

The nurse wasn't wrong to feel sorry for Eren. He truly  _did_ look terrible.

His entire body was pale from the loss of blood. He had a deep gash in his forehead which, thankfully, was covered with heavy bandages. The heart monitor next to him beat ever so slowly; the kid was literally clinging onto life. Not to mention the cuts and bruises that varied in severity littering his figure.

It was quite apparent that he was at death's door.

* * *

_Annie_

"Hey, little bro," Annie said, walking towards Eren with her hood over her head. She removed it, which revealed that she'd been crying. Wiping her nose with the back of her hand, she sat down. 

"How you holding up?" She took her brother's pale hand into hers. "Man, this place really is a shit hole, eh?"

Annie talked to her brother in the form of a conversation less for his life and more for her own sanity. It took everything she had to keep from crying.

"You better not leave me," she told Eren. She found that the tighter she held his hand, the easier it was to be strong. "You hear me? I mean it Eren. I didn't... I didn't spend my whole life getting your stupid little ass out of trouble for nothing."

It became harder and harder for her to speak. She rubbed circles onto Eren's hand with her thumb.

_This may be the last conversation I ever have with him. We've always been there for each other since before I can remember. This can't be the end of us. It isn't right._

"Seriously, Eren. I've... Been through enough shit already," her voice broke. "You aren't allowed to die. Not now. This c-can't be how you go."

Annie's head fell forward onto the blankets over Eren's stomach.

"Dammit, Eren!" Beginning to sob, she clutched Eren's hand with both of hers. "Why?! Why you? IT ISN'T FUCKING FAIR!"

* * *

_Mikasa_

Mikasa quietly entered Eren's room, a bit nervous for a reason she couldn't quite put her finger on. As she approached Eren, the sight of him nearly brought her to tears.

"H-hi, Eren."

She occupied the seat next to him and looked him over, moving a strand of hair out of his eyes.

"I'm, uh.. Not the best in these kind of situations. Hospitals kind of freak me out. Weird, right?" She chuckled at her own joke, but her smile quickly disappeared.

Mikasa's hands fell to her lap, a tear falling on top of them. She hadn't even realized she was crying, but now she was, and she couldn't stop.

"I'm not sure if you can hear me... but if you can, I just wanted to... to ask you to be strong," she struggled to get through her words. "Please? For me, and for Annie... even Levi. I know you don't think it, but... he really needs you. Seriously, it's ridiculous," she laughed again.

"I don't want this to be the last time I ever talk to you. So let's just pretend you're... sleeping."

After a few minutes, the timer outside rang, indicating her time was up.

"Goodnight, Eren."

* * *

_Levi_

Levi stumbled into the room a bit disoriented, finding it difficult to approach the dying boy on the bed. His footsteps felt smaller and he found it hard to stand still. He took a seat on the bed instead of sitting on the chair sat out for him.

"Hey, brat."

He tried to stop his gaze from meeting Eren's beaten body, as it would only make the lump in his throat grow bigger.

"You look like a piece of shit. Worse than before."

His sentences became harder and harder to finish. Finally, his words became nothing but garbled sobs, and he broke down.

"You stupid little fucker! How could you?!" He clenched the sheets tightly in his fist, eyes shut tight as tears escaped his lids. "You let me get close to you and then you just leave me?!"

Levi knew his screams could be heard from down the hallway, but he was too hurt to care.

"You're a shit driver, you know that?" He shook his head in disbelief, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

"Dammit, kid! We... We were supposed to meet up today, remember?" His voice cracked as he spoke, creating whimpers. "I was gonna tell you..."

Levi reached towards Eren's hand. His fingertips grazed over the boy's knuckles, but he quickly yanked his hand back.

"No. I can't.." Levi decided he wouldn't let himself get any closer to Eren than he already was. He knew it would tear him apart in the end.

As if it knew what Levi was thinking, the timer outside the door went off, and Levi stood up to leave. However, just before he was at the door, he turned back around.

He approached Eren, looking him over one last time, and gently placed a soft kiss on Eren's forehead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I crying?
> 
> Yes.
> 
> Do I regret this?
> 
> I never regret anything.


	11. Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren's going to live. He'll be able to continue his normal life as it was, and this whole accident can pass off as a bad dream.
> 
> So... Why can't Levi be happy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slow update! I was out of the country for awhile. Won't happen again. I should be back on schedule soon lovelies! :*

"So what you're saying is... He's gonna be okay?"

Mikasa could barely get the words out of her mouth, partly in disbelief but mostly too overjoyed to take the time to speak.

All it took was reassurance from the doctor and Annie was on her knees, sobbing into the heels of her hands. Mikasa kneeled next to her to comfort her ever so softly.

The only way Levi could bring his body to function was by leaning against the wall and sliding down to the tile floor, staring directly in front of him with the expression of one who has lost everything, and for the longest time, he felt that he had. Now, it was as if a door had been opened that showed him life through whole new perspective; one that some might call the "glass-half-full" type. The smallest of tears fell from his eyes, stopping at his jawline and fading into air. He felt that he fit in better with society now that something sound had finally stumbled upon his wretched life. He felt that he could call himself normal.

Levi felt okay.

Not just okay as in "could be better." No, he had been so low down before and now even this giant leap of robust had only gotten him up to  _"okay,"_ but he couldn't ask for more. Levi hadn't felt this okay since his mum was around, and that was almost seventeen years ago.

"If you'd like, you can see him, but he needs his rest," the doctor said to the three. "I'll leave you to cope. Congratulations," He left in a huff, leaving the group to themselves.

* * *

"Come on, babe. You gotta get up," Mikasa tugged at Annie's arm.

Moments before, Levi had gone to the bathroom, leaving the two alone together.

Annie obliged, shakily rising to her feet and taking a seat in the nearby chair.

Mikasa wrapped an arm around her love and pulled her close, the girl's head falling swiftly on her shoulder. Brushing the bangs from Annie's face, Mikasa kissed her girlfriend's forehead as she spoke to her ever so softly.

"We can go see him whenever you're ready," she whispered. "Don't push yourself."

Annie nodded, suddenly smiling rather widely.

"He's okay, Mika," her smile grew. "He's gonna be okay."

By now, it seemed like the word 'okay' was overused. It had become one of those words that are said so often they begin to lose their meaning, yet this one simple jumble of letters meant more to the group than one could imagine. Without it, they would ironically be at a loss for words, unable to ever speak the same again without longing for their missing piece.

* * *

Levi made a belated return to Mikasa and Annie with a damp face. Small strands of hair had water in them too, falling just over his eyes in a pinpoint spike.

"Why's your face wet?" Mikasa asked. He shrugged and took a seat, keeping his 'mysterious' unremitting atmosphere despite everything that had happened.

Truthfully, he'd gone to the bathroom and washed his face off, hoping that the water might awake him from this dream that was too good to be true, but it didn't. This was all too real.

"Alright, tightass, could you at least get Annie some water?" Mikasa asked again. Levi rolled his eyes, groaning as he got to his feet.

As he walked the hallways, Levi could overhear the conversations of passing strangers. He heard talk of an old man who'd just passed on level three, a newborn baby named Leila, and a newly recruited nurse. He wouldn't call it eavesdropping, just 'listening without consent.'

On his way back to the girls, he continued to 'listen without consent,' but he would soon find out that he was making what was possibly the biggest mistake of his life. 

"Hey, Oruo! Guess what I just did?"

A young male nurse with a particularly high voice approached a taller man also dressed in scrubs.

"What is it now, Armin?" The older nurse, who was presumably known as 'Oruo,' sighed.

"I just landed myself a date with my patient!"

Levi stopped. Small drops of water dripped from the rim of the cup he held as he took his sudden halt.

"Which one?" Oruo asked the shorter blonde nurse. "You have like thirty," he crossed his arms, apparently trying to look dominant, but instead took on a pathetic looking figure of someone who'd gone limp.

"The one in room 13B," Armin answered.

Levi's breath hitched. His eyes grew wide.

"What's his name?"

"Eren Jaeger."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >:D


	12. Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> torment /tôrment/ (n): severe physical or mental suffering  
> agony /agonē/ (n): extreme physical or mental suffering
> 
> Two very different words, yet two nearly identical meanings.
> 
> One word makes all the difference.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I added names to my chapters :D

For days, Levi had slipped into the same state of depression as before. He knew it was too good to be true; nothing so appreciable had ever happened to him. He was foolish to think it was real and to think he could've escaped his inner conflict. Countless thoughts ran through his mind on repeat like an overplayed song, and he wanted to press the 'next' button and move onto a newer, more jovial tune, but his mind was stuck on an endless loop of despondency.

_This isn't a fucking fairy tale; I'm a god damn idiot for thinking I had a chance. I should've sliced myself to pieces a long time ago. Why didn't I? I never would've even met Eren. I'd rather be dead._

Levi never saw himself as one to cry, and yet here he was, soaked with his tears on the bathroom floor. In fact, he hadn't been able to stop crying since the chaos began.

He couldn't remember the last time he'd eaten, slept, or taken his medicine. But none of that mattered anymore.

_Maybe if I leave the door locked, I'll die in here,_ he thought. _Mikasa's probably fucking Annie at her place, and it isn't like she'd care much anyway. She'll probably move in with her when I get outta here._ If  _I get outta here._   _Maybe I'll starve to death. Or maybe I'll cry so much I lose all the water in my body. Is that even possible? God, I wish I could just disappear._

So there Levi sat, the only thing keeping him from collapsing being the cold, flat wall behind him. His face had been drained of all emotion and now remained an empty canvas stripped of its features. It would take a miracle to paint over the suffering, agony and melancholia that had been obtained after years of desolation.

Levi knew he'd soon fall into the same trap as before; a chain-smoking badass dressed in black clothes from head to toe and faux metal chains that hung from his belt.

That is, if he didn't die first.

* * *

_Bzz. Bzz. Bzz._

If it weren't for Mikasa's call, Levi probably wouldn't have woken up.

He snapped awake and wearily attempted to stand, only to find a pair of bloodshot eyes staring back at him. Bits of stubble had grown on his chin, the bags under his eyes had become literal  _bags,_ and his hair stood in all different directions.

It had been so long since he'd been horrified by his own appearance.

"What?" He spoke deeply into the phone with his smoky and guttural voice.

"How long's it been since you took your medicine?" Mikasa's tone was all but worried. If anything, she sounded ecstatic; out of breath even. Levi could only guess what she'd 'finished' before she called.

"Half an hour," Levi lied through his teeth. He ran a hand through his damp hair and blinked his eyes a few times; he wasn't fully awake yet.

"Promise?" She suddenly giggled. Her words were faint, but could easily be heard. "Annie, stop it! No! Let me-- agh!"

" _Ha ha,_ yeah, call me again when you're done fingering your precious girlfriend," he hung up the phone.

_Fuck, I really do look terrible,_ he shrugged.  _I guess they'll have to fix me up for the funeral._

Levi laid back down on the floor, sticking to his word. 

He figured he'd be in here awhile, so he found sudden interest in following the lines on the ceiling. Some were small and others were bigger, but each one connected in some way. They ran along the entire ceiling, some ending in large slumps and others fading away into shallow bumps.

He found it somewhat calming to follow the lines on the ceiling.

* * *

"Levi?"

Eren's small and indistinct voice could be heard just outside the doorway to the bathroom.

He always had an ongoing eager aura surrounding him, but today, it was especially strong. All day, he'd been yearning to express his merriment to one of his closest friends, who just so happened to be Levi.

"Hey, open up!" He said as he pounded on the door. "I wanna tell you what happened while I was in the hospital!"

Eren wore his usual smile on his face; the one that would brighten anyone's day in a heartbeat. His euphoria was practically bouncing off the walls. 

"I got a boyfriend, Levi!" He chuckled as he said the words, his incredulity to the sentence still apparent. Eren spoke through the door like a proud child to their parent. It was, in a few words, simply adorable.

"Levi? Can you hear me?" He huffed, turning the stopped knob once more. "Fine, I'll just get in myself."

Eren stood on the tips of his toes and was relieved to find a small metal key on top of the bathroom doorframe. Placing it near the lock, he turned it and opened the door.

* * *

_Insensibility **.**_

_Powerlessness **.**_

_Disbelief._

_Helplessness._

_Inconsolability_ _._

If there were a term that fit the meaning of each of these words pieced together into one, it would be the perfect alternative to describe Eren's view of the situation as well as his inner emotions. He never thought he'd feel so many things at once. The boy was almost overwhelmed with this incredulous feeling, seeming as if he would burst if he experienced any other tragedy at this very moment.


	13. Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi's been keeping his feelings for Eren bottled up inside of him for a perpetuity.
> 
> But everyone has a breaking point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all know your German

From Eren's standpoint, an inert Levi lay unconscious on the bathroom floor with an opened (and empty) bottle of ordinary sleeping pills next to his curled fingers.

It didn't take an idiot to decipher the situation.

Eren fumbled for the phone in his pocket and dialed the desired number. He didn't used to believe he'd ever come to a situation such as this, and now that he had, it was worse than he ever could've imagined.

"Hello?" The voice on the other end picked up.

"Mikasa?"

"Hey, Eren."

"Mikasa, listen. I-I don't know what happened, but Levi's..." His voice trailed into quiet; he couldn't bring himself to say it.

"What's wrong?" She sounded more concerned now that her brother had been mentioned.

"He's on the floor, and he's got a bottle of sleeping pills next to him, a-and they're totally empty, and-"

"Eren," Mikasa cut off his rambling. "Listen to me."

"What do I do?!" Eren was panicking. His free hand was in tangled in his hair as he clung to consciousness.

"Shh, Eren," Mikasa hushed. "Listen to me. Those aren't sleeping pills."

"W-what?" Eren sniffed.

"That's where he keeps his antidepressants. Those are _not_ sleeping pills." 

* * *

Now that Levi was sleeping safe and sound on the couch, Eren didn't know what to do with himself.

He was nearly alone in a house that was not his, sitting next to a man that wasn't his, in front of a TV that, you guessed it, wasn't his.

_Maybe it would do some good if I cleaned up around here._

Looking around, he saw that the room was in actuality entirely spotless.

"Never mind then," he shrugged. His gaze drifted to Levi, who was either deep in sleep or unconscious. 

The older of the two was completely topless, small beads of sweat collecting on his collarbone. Eren could tell he had been this way for quite some time; it was apparent in both the man's face and his body.

How long had it been since Levi had eaten?

He was beginning to lose his muscular structure, and although he still had visible abs, Levi's bone was visible in certain places such as his hands and arms.

"How could you do this to yourself..?" Eren whispered, somewhat to himself and also to Levi. 

"I don't do it on purpose, brat.."

Eren jumped and let out a small yelp.

"Levi!" He exclaimed, his heart racing.

Levi's eyes flit open. He took a moment to look around, then closed them again.

"H-how long have you been awake?" Eren asked.

"Long enough to know that you are  _not_ comfortable in my home," Levi's tone was weary and uninterested.

Eren blushed lightly. He closed his mouth and looked down, forcing himself to keep quiet.

"Why the shit are you over here anyways?" Levi spat.

"I... Wanted to tell you about what happened at the hospital."

"Let me guess. You got yourself a boyfriend," Levi rolled his eyes.

"Yeah! How did you know?"

"Lucky guess," he turned his head. "Congradu-fucking-lations."

Hurt, Eren hung his head and fiddled with his fingers.

_Why is Levi being so mean all of a sudden?_

He shook off the insult and turned to the illuminated TV.

* * *

"Levi," Eren called from the kitchen. "How do you like your coffee?"

Levi snapped his head up, now fully awake and nothing less than infuriated.

" _What?_ " He growled.

Confused, Eren poked his head out from the archway to the kitchen.

"I-I asked how you like your coffee," he stuttered nervously.

"Black. Like your mother," Levi snickered. He laid back down and shut his eyes, gratified by his remark.

"My mother's dead," Eren whispered so quietly he could barely hear himself. At that moment he felt so overcome with grief and confusion that he turned away, further ignoring Levi and his sarcastic affronts.

"What was that, brat?" Levi yelled. After getting no response, he yelled again. "Oi! Answer me, you little shit!"

Suddenly, Eren slammed the mug in his hand onto the counter, spun around, and darted to the living room.

"I said my mother is dead!" His voice rang through the room at a disturbingly loud volume.

Levi was taken aback for a moment, but quickly regained himself, his infamous blasé expression returning to his countenance.

"Tch," he scoffed. His head turned to face the couch.

"Seriously?!" Eren yelled, this time earning a look from Levi. "What is  _wrong_ with you?! All I've been is nice to you and you're being a complete asshole!"

"Oh my  _God,_ " Levi whined. "Shut UP! Your god damn voice hurts my ears."

"God, you're unbelievable! What the fuck did I do?! Seriously, tell me. I wanna know what I did to deserve this."

Deep down, Levi knew why he was being so mean to Eren. It was because Eren was taken now. Levi did all that crying and slicing himself open for the kid, and then he goes and promises himself to someone else.

"You betrayed me, that's what you did!"

Eren rolled his eyes.

"Come  _on,_ " he said sarcastically. "What the hell are you saying now?"

Levi rose to his feet, standing just inches from Eren.

"Your pantywaist-blonde-coconut-of-a-boyfriend that you picked up in the hospital? Remember that, assfuck?!"

"You can't be serious," Eren rolled his eyes in disbelief.

"Oh, believe me! I am," Levi narrowed his gaze.

"I don't even understand why  _you_ would be jealous of someone like  _Armin,_ " Eren scoffed.

"You think I'm jealous of that  _twig?_ Hardly," Levi nearly laughed.

"Then what the hell is your problem?"

"ICH BIN VERLIEBT IN DICH, BLÖDMANN!"

_"I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU, DUMBASS!"_

* * *

Eren stood facing Levi's red, panting figure. His body gleamed with sweat, his chest heaving in and out. All he wanted to do was scream at the man for being so utterly stupid and oblivious. So that's what he did.

"ICH BIN AUCH IN DICH VERLIEBT, ARSCHLOCH!"

_"I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU TOO, ASSHOLE!"_


	14. Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, Levi had gotten the help he needed. No therapist, family member, or phony medication could do what Eren had just done for him. Was it really this easy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one will be short but you'll love it.
> 
> I think.

"What..?"

Levi spoke so softly, his voice was barely audible.

"I love you too, Levi."

* * *

Finally.

Finally, after many excruciating days of holding in his devotion, Levi had admitted his feelings for Eren.

And Eren had admitted his as well.

* * *

Now, a whole new door had opened; one that was much bigger and more salient than the one before. It was a door that Levi never thought he would even come close to seeing, and yet here it was begging for him to enter.

In all honestly, this whole situation was a mistake, but it was a beautiful one.

Levi disclosed his feelings thinking that Eren wouldn't understand; that someone with such idiocy could barely speak one language, let alone two. But as it turns out, Eren knew German, and he understood every word, every profanity, and every captivating term that escaped Levi's lips.

As Levi stared at Eren wide eyed and disbelieving, Eren's expression was the total opposite. His eyes filled with care, concern, and want. He wanted so badly to hold Levi, to embrace him and tell him that he  _was_ loved by someone other than family; someone that was technically required to love him. To tell Levi that he was okay.

Eren held out his arms, and suddenly the two were laughing. Not out of amusement, but because they were so elated that all they could bring themselves to do was laugh.

"You love me!" Levi exclaimed, laughing mid sentence.

"I do, I do love you!" Eren let out a laugh, which was immediately followed by a sob. The two both spoke through the tears that clouded their vision, which slightly garbled their speech as well.

The smiles never left the pair's faces as they simultaneously ran into each other's arms, Eren lifting Levi off the ground and quite literally crashing his lips onto the smaller boy's. They almost found it hard to share the kiss, as they were smiling so widely they could barely close their mouths, yet the moment couldn't have been more perfect. Tendrils erupted inside of Levi's stomach as a weight was lifted off his shoulders. It was the same weight that he'd been carrying for seventeen years; the one that caused him to yearn for demise and nearly accept defeat.

But Levi had held on for just a little bit longer, and for that, he was grateful.

The two clung to each other as if they were all the other had left, shirt fabric bunching in between their white knuckled fingers. One might say the kiss was more of a solution; as for a split second, Levi was able to forget all of his troubles and just focus on one thing: Eren.

Finally, Levi had gotten the help he needed. No therapist, family member, or phony medication could do what Eren had just done for him. _Was it really this easy?_

Soon, it became impossible to hold the kiss any longer, as both boys were smiling so wide that their cheeks hurt. Eren pulled away, looking into Levi's gaze with the same look of want he had earlier; only this time, he had what he wanted.

* * *

At last, the door had opened, and behind it was a light so blinding and a life so infallible. Levi could finally put his horrible past behind him and think about his future for once; the future that, up until now, he never thought he had. He finally realized that he was more than just a hopeless waste of space. He mattered.

And it took him until just now to realize it.

* * *

At last, Levi had found a partner, was now more than just "okay", and had fallen in love.

At last, the two had found each other. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooooo I'm reeaallyyyy sad to say it, but this is the last chapter!
> 
> Don't worry, I'm making another book. This one will mainly focus on Eren's POV, since book one was mainly Levi's. Any more questions? Leave 'em down in the comments.
> 
> Be sure to comment, drop kudos, or subscribe if you liked! :*


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